Almost Home.

I miss her.

(i love her shirt)

I haven’t been apart from her for more than 4 days since I went to a girlfriend’s wedding in Texas 2-1/2 years ago.  (wow, has it only been that long?)  I was on an adventure back then and way too busy experiencing new things and meeting my online friends in person and just in general having a wonderful time to miss her too much back then. 

My house is too quiet. 

There’s no video playing loudly from her computer.  (I usually have to shout “turn that music down please!”) 

There’s no Lady Gaga song blaring from her bedroom.  (just in case you’re wondering, I only let her listen to the ones without curse words) 

There’s no shouting at the Wii coming from the family room and drifting through my office door while I’m working at my computer.  (the kid really gets into her games)

It’s just me.  (and the cats and dogs of course)  Working at my computer all day.  Making my scrapbook pages that are due now (yes, I wait until the last minute nearly every time). 

Waiting.

We dropped her off at camp (2 hours away) on Sunday afternoon.  It’s her first time ever going.  She BEGGED us to let her.  We were reluctant to say the least (especially her Daddy).  She begged MORE.  We were scared.  It’s a big world out there, and it’s not always a wonderful place to be.  Bad things happen.  But in the end I said we can’t hold her back because of OUR fears as parents.  Hell, if we’re gonna do that then the poor kid won’t be allowed to leave the house until she’s 30.  We can’t keep her from doing something she’s dying to do and having that experience because we’re afraid.  I don’t want to raise a daughter who’s afraid.  Let me rephrase that.  I want to raise a daughter who maybe is afraid but does it anyway (and I’ve tried to set that example for her).  I want to raise a daughter who is strong and competent and confident.  So we let her spread her wings…..just for 5 days…..

Today is day 5.  Oh, how I miss her. 

I knew it might be hard, so Monday night Ken and I went to the movies.  (we saw Grown Ups and laughed our asses off)  And then Tuesday night Ken and I went to the movies again.  (we saw Knight & Day–it’s no Mission Impossible but it was pretty good. Tom Cruise is FUNNY)  Thursday night was a rented movie from Netflix and painting some patio furniture so my front porch will be prettier. 

But Wednesday was when it hit me.  The quietness.  We went out to dinner that evening (at Arby’s–big spender, that Ken is) and then had nothing to do.  Well, of course there were things I could have done (cleaning, dishes, vacuuming), but nothing FUN.  Nothing to distract me from feeling like there’s something missing, like one of my arms or legs has fallen off, this weird feeling that I’m forgetting something when I leave the house, it’s hard to explain…..it just feels OFF.  Like my world is somehow wrong.

So I’m waiting.

Today I’m leaving work at noon and going to pick her up at camp.  I can’t stand the suspense.  I’m going to try VERY hard not to cry when I see her so as not to embarrass her in front of her new friends. 

She’s almost home.