Hawk attack.

I wanted to take a break from all the auction posts and tell you a little story.  This one is especially for my 3 friends Sandie, Connie, and Jerry, who are loyal readers of my blog, and a few of them love to call me up and harrass me and laugh their heads off (laughing AT me – not WITH me) whenever I tell a traumatizing story on my blog like the Illini football game story.  Yeah, they really enjoyed that one.  So I dedicate this blog post to you 3.  haha

So…..totally not funny when it happened and frankly I’m still not laughing about it but my husband Ken about choked himself laughing when I called and told him about it, so thought I might share with you all and start your day off with a chuckle.  My trauma is for your amusement.  And when I say trauma, I’m sooo not kidding.

Here goes…….

So one recent morning I go out my back door to walk to the garage (not attached to my house) to get the car out to take Summer to school.  Let me preface by saying that our house/garage is VERY OLD.  Frankly, I think our garage is in such bad shape that if we hit it hard enough with the car it could potentially fall over and crumble into a pile, but Ken won’t let me try it.  Anyway, the doors broke many years ago.  I’ve lived here for 9 years and the left side has never had a door, right side door is a piece of crap and is very hard to open and close (no electric opener). 

On with the story………….Lots of snow out there (no path shoveled and it had just snowed 6 inches) so maybe my footsteps were kinda noisy and I startled the “bird” inside the garage.  He starts fluttering around in there and I involuntarily scream, you know how it is when you suddenly hear wings flapping about and a bird starts flying toward you, which startled him more (I wasn’t inside the garage yet THANK YOU LORD).  He starts to fly OUT of the doorway (that I’m standing in front of) and I can plainly see that this “bird” is a HUGE HAWK in the garage.  I guess I was scary looking…or maybe it was my second involuntary scream?…but he’s startled again, so he just DROPS THE DEAD BIRD he was holding to the ground AT MY FEET and flies back into the garage, where he continues to flutter from side to side.  At this point I want to puke and I’m too scared to go into the garage to get into the car!  Yes, I’m a weenie but I’ve never had my head attacked by a huge hawk and I think I can safely assume that I wouldn’t LIKE IT.  I go over and stand in front of the other garage doorway where the car is parked and wait a few seconds hoping he’s going to flutter around and see me gone from the doorway and fly out.  He does.  WHEW. 

The fun doesn’t end there kids.  I run and jump into the car only to find I don’t have the keys.  Summer comes out the back door and I ask her to go back in and see if keys are in my purse.  She comes back out with said keys, brings them to the garage.  Runs to the garage and doesn’t even notice she passes by this huge dead bird!  I couldn’t believe it.  Anyway, I start the car blah blah blah, back out into the daylight (garage is dark) and almost barf my breakfast.  You know how you get startled and involuntarily scream AAHHH ?  Yeah, did that.  Again.  There are bits and pieces of bird feathers with bits and pieces of bloody bird still attached to them ALL OVER my windshield and STUCK to the hood of the car.  I AM DYING by this point.  SO GROSS.  Bloody bits!  Ack.  We are borderline late for school at this point, so I drive Summer to school looking at this “stuff” all over my windshield and hood.  A few feathers flew off on the way.  LOL  But I figure most of them are stuck on there cause they’re frozen to it!  I came back and tried to scrape them off best I could without vomiting.  My husband was giving me advice on the phone, “Oh, just go out there with a cleaning rag and wipe them off.”  Um, NO.  Sorry, can’t do it.  Weak stomach……blech.  But that dead bird the hawk dropped down to me as a gift?  Apparently he came back later and picked it up because it disappeared by the time I took the dogs outside later in the day.  Whew…

Filed under Life | Comment (0)